New Year's Resolution: Be More Like Stephanie

Does This Count As Posting Underwear Shots On The Internet?

How To Dress For A School Trip To The Farm In December

As promised!  So, when your generally delightful job obliges you to miss out on your annual staff Christmas Dinner and spend the coldest, windiest day of December (so far) helping to shepherd 60 four-year-olds around various hearty outdoor activities on a stupidbloody FARM, well, sartorially speaking, you have two options.

Option 1:  Jeans and a hoodie

No thanks.

Option 2:  X-treme layering!

Here's how...

Step One!

Assemble the ingredients.

Step Two!

Woolly tights and a thermal vest.

(Optional Step 2.5: Over your tights, put on a pair of thermal socks made with possum fur.  I tried this, but had to re-evaluate my sock plans upon discovering that I physically couldn't fit my feet into my wellies!)

Step Three!

Add a long-sleeved top and a pair of thigh-high woolly socks

Step Four!

Woolly dress

Yes, you look a bit daft.  Don't worry, we'll be covering up the top half in Step Five.

Step Five!

Cashmere jumper

That's the inner and middle layers done.  Bring on the outer layers!

Step Six!

Hoodie, scarf and wellies

And finally...

Step Seven!

Coat, ginormous trapper hat, gorilla paw gloves

I must admit, I didn't bother with the gorilla gloves in the end.  Makaton signing is a bit of a bore when you can't move your fingers!

So there you have it.  Do you see why I weep a little when I see outfit posts from bloggers darn sarf whose concession to winter dressing is 40 denier tights and a pair of brogues?!

I was dreading my trip to the farm, but I actually had a brilliant time.  We re-enacted the Nativity in a stable made of straw, sang Little Donkey to an actual donkey, held a snake and tarantula, saw Santa and one rather unimpressive reindeer and fed some llamas. 

I was hoping that my ridiculous hat would persuade the reindeer to adopt me as their leader and/or prevent them getting any ideas about eating me.  It was an impulse/panic purchase when I saw the weather forecast for Farm Day, but it's earning its keep already.  Walking home from rehearsal last night in the fierce winds I struggled to keep my eyelids from drooping - the thing is like a duvet for your head!  It has a manly chin strap rather than pom poms because it's a man hat from the man section of H&M (£9.99 - the almost-identical lady version was £12.99. Hmm.)

Vest, top, dress and belt - Primark

Tights - M&S

Socks - Topshop

Jumper - Tesco via charity shop

Hoodie - NUGSS  (No, you can't buy one for yourself, they're exclusive ;op)

Wellies - Amazon

Coat - Oasis

Hat - H&M

Scarf - a present

Gloves (which are not actually made from real gorilla paws, despite what I like to tell people) - vintage

Jingle Bells

Boring Outfit Post.  School Nativity play.  Christmassy take on my spiffing yellow dress.

Sadly, you can't see the tinsel in my ponytail.

I haven't had woolly tights since I was around twelve.  Whyever not?  They're brilliant!

Dotty P's dress, Acessorize tights, vintage fur collar, belt from somewhere, Radley boots from Kurt Geiger.

Stay tuned, tomorrow's post may be entitled 'How to Dress for a School Trip to a Farm in December'.  Hint, like this:

Five-and-twenty

Chip buttie, Mars bar, cup of tea, pyjamas and Pan Am.  Now that I'm officially halfway to 50, this is what passes for a Friday night here at the house of Lamer/McBoring. 

I was trying hard to write a nice interesting Toast Post, possibly, with pictures of Pan Am, but that sentence was as far as I got because I became distracted by how much I detest Pan Am's boring leading lady, Blondie Plankface.

So anyway, I had a birthday, and lots of nice people spoiled me, so I have spent the first week of my 26th year mainly wearing my new frock, my new sparkly jacket and my new fluffy socks, listening to my new radio[es] and admiring my new pictures, while I brush my hair with my new hairbrush (got to have nice hair for my new hat) and paint on my new eyeshadow, sipping my new gin out of my new mugs AND my new flask, while I think about taking my bike (with its new 'Bette' decal) down to the supermarket to fill my new shopping bag with ingredients to make nice things to put inside my new cake tins so I have something nice to eat while I watch my new dvd.  Phew!

SO!  It is December.  Now, when you earn your living in a primary school, you basically have no chance of successfully avoiding premature Christmas cheer (We've been Away In A Manger-ing since early November), so today I gave up on my Scroogeism and brought out my Mrs Claus look.

(This is a photo from last year, hence the flapper bob.)  I do love my little fur collar.  I wear it as a ski-headband too!

Speaking of last year, I've been trying very hard not to complain too much about the cold, in case the Snow Gods hear me.  Here's a photograph of my front door last December.  Believe it or not, there are fifteen very steep stone steps underneath that welly-submerging snowdrift!  We had to use to back door for weeks.  SO not looking forward to that again...

The Death Stairs were never more aptly named...



Let's Hear It For The Boy

Good news, much-neglected followers of Bette on Toast!  This deserted blog is soon to come alive again, for my long-suffering flatmate, the infamous Simon, has pretty much promised to revive these barren pages with a guest post or two!  SO, if you would like to read a punchy and witty review of what the well-dressed young man is wearing this season (Hint, this:

 )

, then look no further!  All we need to do is feed Simon's ego a bit, just enough to make sure that he doesn't renege on his obligations.  So, comment below with some kind of "I <3 Teachers" bullshit, and maybe there will soon be something interesting to read on my poor blog.

One day I will be inspired and write you a nice post. 

Much affection,

Bette

x

Black Lace and Paper Poppies

I'm glad I re-discovered my little lace bolero thing the other day around a month ago. (Dear self, post mindless drivel on The Internet more frequently.)  I've been in an absolute frenzy of busyness and activity since then, and I've been doing it all whilst wearing my bolero. I've barely taken it off!  Here are two boring outfit post pictures, which accidentally both involve that wonderful garment:

There was a complicated reason why I had to wear orange, and since my plot to get around this was vetoed by Simon on the grounds that The Simpsons isn't an acceptable style muse (Red dress, yellow tights, red shoes - I still think it would have worked), I instead opted for this orange skirt from the Dorothy Perkins sale rail. (I have had great success in Dotty P's sales lately.  The DID have an orange version of my collection of colourblock dresses, and I would have snapped it up had it not been a size too small!)

Outfit Two is from a burlesque show on 11/11/11, and as usual, my completely frivolous tribute to Armistice Day was to stick poppies in my hair.  But look!  Look at my amazing rockabilly fringe!  Best one I've ever done!  I went to the Jeepers Peepers reunion show at the Cluny and had a brilliant time pretending to be cooler and rockabillier than I am.  Maybe in my next quarter-century I'll have tattoos and dubious piercings...

So long, readers.  Maybe I'll update again before this time next month, and MAYBE when I do I'll be wearing something other than my lace bolero!  Over and out.

In Hollywood Minnie travelled far, They changed her name to Minnie LaMarr

Polkadots.  My wardrobe is bursting with them. (See?)  Most of 'em are red and white.

Dressing up.  I heart it.  Particularly when there are alcoholic drinks, cameras and my bestest chums present.

Small wonder, then, that when I hear the siren call of a fancy-dress party I frequently fall back on my favourite costume, the ever-stylish Miss Mouse.

When I was very little I had a treasured Minnie Mouse dress.  It was t-shirty, and the skirt was red and white stripes and the top had a picture of the Mouse herself chalking "I <3 Mickey" onto the wall.  I loved it! 

Well, we're not going quite that far back in time with this pictorial Toast Post, but we are going time-travelling.  Here is youthful me as Minnie Mouse way back in 2007, and ginger me as Minnie Mouse in 2009...

I made those ears out of coloured card and a polkadot headband, wore them twice, carried them through four house-moves, and then dug them out once more for last month's 'Kayleigh's moving away, so let's all dress up as cartoon characters and get drunk' party.

Oops.

So Magic Box it was, then, for some generic mouse ears that were too big for my head, and an irritating sponge mouse nose that Simon made me buy even though it kept falling off and it smelt bad.  Oh, and I finally found a use for my silly dungaree skirt. Behold!



Squeak squeak!



The night is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter

Oh mannn, how have I been SO absent from this little haven of narcissism?  I have gone almost a month without talking about, or posting gratuitous photographs of, myself!  Let me rectify that immediately:

During my radio silence, I seem to have gone up to 46 followers.  Jiminy!  Hello, new friends-on-the-Internet!

I have got a post about cartoon mice in the pipeline for you, which will maybe go up this weekend, if I can be mithered.

Here is another photograph, in homage to my new red trousers (My little Oasis problem strikes again)

I went to see 'End of the Rainbow' on Friday night, which was excellent, although not exactly a barrel of laughs.  I was so captivated by Judy's costumes, all sequin twin-sets and huge neck scarves, that when it came to dressing to go out on Saturday night, I couldn't help but try to evoke a little 'late-'60s cabaret' with my outfit.  Turns out I've got woefully few sequinned items in my repertoire, so this was the best I could do.  Not terribly Judy, but I like it anyway.

Of course, I couldn't resist having a go at the Signature Judy Hand, as demonstrated so marvellously by both Tracie Bennett and the lady herself...

She came to a sticky end alright, but WHAT a performer.

Colourblock

One, Two, Three

One

Two

Three

I like my Dorothy Perkins colourful dresses. I like bright tights and plastic jewellery, too.

Best of all I like convincing Kayleigh to buy one two as well and going to parties as creepy awesome twins.

 

(Should have been red shoes, I know... 

There was a complicated tights situation that you just wouldn't understand.)

 Sunday Girl necklaces, naturally.

Miss you already, Ginger McDramaQueen.