COLLEAGUE #1: Elizabeth, you've got a ladder in your tights.
COLLEAGUE #2, overhearing on her way to the kettle: Hah! Elizabeth's always got a ladder in her tights. They're more ladder than tight some days!
COLLEAGUE #3: Ee, Elizabeth, I hope I get you in the Christmas bran tub. I know just what you'd be getting!
The moral of the tale, friends, is don't buy your tights in Primark, for they are SHIT.