Wednesday 6 October 2010

Fur Coat And No Knickers, or, The Perils of Being Overdressed

I didn't mean to go out looking like a cheap hooker, it just sort of happened.

Gosh, I need a haircut.

I wanted to wear the pretty little dress because I'd wanted to wear it over jeans on Jeans for Genes day but had been thwarted by lack of clean jeans, plus I always forget that it's rather scandalously short because the thought process in New Look's changing rooms when I bought it went something along the lines of "Oh, this pretty little dress is a bit scandalously short, I could never wear thi- HOLD ON THIS IS A SIZE 10 AND IT ZIPS UP IF I BREATHE IN BUY IT BUY IT NOW!!!"  So anyway, there I was in my bum-skimming dress and black tights for modesty, thinking that some sensible boots would tone it all down a notch, but my sensible boots are brown not black, and then the dress has little red bows on it and oh suddenly I was wearing shiny plastic shoes with bows on.  And then because I had red feet I needed red lipstick to make it balance.  And THEN I got ready to leave and I didn't put my red jacket on because it's really too shabby to go on much longer, and my red coat wouldn't work because it's way longer than the dress and would just accentuate the floozyishness, so I flung on my fur jacket even though it was still broad daylight and not at all cold enough for a fur coat to be necessary, and THEN I realised I looked like a 1920s tart but it was already too late to change, purse, keys, phone, lipstick, go go go, and that is how I became very overdressed for watching Ruddigore in a church hall amongst staid middle-aged Gilbert and Sullivan fans on a Tuesday night in Monkseaton.

And when I was click-clacking my way to the metro, of course that was the moment when I ran into one of the girls from the year 6 class I was in last year.  "Eee, Missus Heeee-maaaah!  Hiyaaa!"  Cringe.

 P.S. For those of you who are uneducated (Simon), 'Fur Coat and No Knickers' refers to the title of a famous(ish) play and is not a comment on me being a hussy, which I'm not, despite what some people (Simon) would have you believe. 

(Whether I remembered to put knickers on in the bleary haze of 6.30 a.m. that morning is anyone's guess.)


  1. Well, hello young Ann Miller! :P

  2. Also, I just read this again, and laughed even more than the first time. I seriously love you xxxx

  3. Aww, Pennykins, I love you too! Glad you're entertained by my rambling exercises in vanity!


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