I, on the other hand, offer you this crock of shit as a 'Here's what I did this weekend' blog post! Enjoy!
Just over a month ago I wrote this tweet:
"Dear world, I am sick of wearing tights and boots, so it is therefore Spring from now on. Please act accordingly."
Well it looks like I got my wish! As you probably noticed, unless you had the misfortune to be working nights last week, or unless you spent the weekend holed up in your bedroom playing internet role-playing games about trolls and not washing, yesterday was not just 'Spring-like' or 'summery' but BLAZING HOT. I started the day with a swim (and that healthy, sunny morning image is a bit of a bluff, because I actually didn't roll out of bed until almost eleven, and then I pouted and grumbled my way into my swimming costume and out of the house because I wanted to sit in my pyjamas and play on Facebook...) and here is a letter I composed while I was grumpily swimming:
"An open letter to all troglodytic* idiots who frequent East End Pool;
(*Yeah, I know I’m going a bit overboard with the word troglodyte recently but, you see, I live near Byker so I encounter a lot of socially-challenged cavemen.)
East End Pool is not a low-rent dating agency. If you want to pick up a strumpet, go to the Biggmarket. The girls there are younger than me, drunker than me and probably wearing garments much smaller than my swimsuit.
And then I came home and got over myself, and then I sat on my bed with the windows open and did some worky things, and then I went out to try to find an open charity shop to which to bequeath a bag of my discarded junk. (Failed, but the heavy bag and I had a nice long walk in the sun!)
This next anecdote didn't actually take place on Sunday, but whatever. Here's a pic of my latest bit of interior decorating, which earned me the comment from Simon: "Well. You've obviously got too much time on your hands." Fair point I suppose, but I felt it was a little bit rich, coming from Teachy McBoring himself...!
Rainbow books!! To protect your eyes from crap photography, edited in Pixlr by my own fair mouse-clicking fingers. I had been inspired by pictures like this:
(Please overlook how this one is infinitely better than my amateurish effort)
Combine these, chuck in some icing sugar, add enough butter to sink a ship, and there you have the whoopie pie filling. Diabetes on a plate, anyone?