MOTHER OF BETTEONTOAST: What's that thing that looks like a jar of congealed fat?
BETTEONTOAST: It's a candle. It's Simon's.
MOTHER OF BETTEONTOAST: It looks like it would make good gravy.
SIMON: Why have you got a dead thing around your neck?
BETTE: Why are you such a dickhead?
SIMON: Maybe I'm a dickhead because I live with someone who likes dead things.
BETTE: Maybe I like dead things because I wish you were dead.
In other news, the heating has come on at school four days early, hurrah, and my only remaining intact pair of skin-colour tights have been decimated by the affectionate five-year-old who likes to cuddle my legs during registration.
This can be part of our show! Let's start writing a script. I'll play you and you can play Tricia.
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