Tequila Sunrise

This afternoon at that time right after lunch when the North wind howls down the school corridors as the doors are opened to re-admit the red-cheeked, squabbling children, my colleague Tara swished past me as I perched on my plastic chair with my ginormous orangey-red llama-wool scarf tucked around my yellow frock and orange tights, and as she swished past, she remarked;

"Oh Elizabeth!  You look like a Tequila Sunrise!"

I thought this was amusing enough to make a Facebook status out of, and when I did so my little sister commented with a plea for a Boring Outfit Post, but I hadn't taken any snaps as it's too blooming dark both before and after work these days.

However, I did have a (dark and crappy, jazzed up with Picmonkey) photograph of a very similar outfit from one futile attempt to take Boring Outfit Pics last week.  So here it be, plus the same dress in its various other seasonal appearences!

 

Autumnal brights in gloomy November.

 

Very colourful last October, with my equally bright little sibling!

 

 

Posing with some superimposed butterflies in the Spring.

 

 

And finally - jingle those bells, it's Christmas time!

 

Hope you enjoyed my mustardy montage (and were not too irritated by my OCD-unfriendly lack of picture-size uniformality!)

 

Autumn Days

 

Brr.

 

Since I am very lazy and have not got round to swapping over my summer and winter wardrobes yet, my summer dresses are suddenly finding themselves reinvented as components of very layering-heavy ensembles.

 

Here's my picnic blanket dress, in both summer and autumn guises:

 

 

(L) With Office-via-Oxfam shoes and a vintage belt

(R) With a Primark jumper, New Look belt, black tights and supercool Fred Astaire shoes

 

Chilly corridors notwithstanding, here's a sneaky glimpse at what I intend to wear to work tomorrow, in celebration of Roald Dahl day:

 

 

 

I didn't bother to Google-Image research what the real Sophie-from-The-BFG looked like, but I think I got the general idea.  Any excuse to wear my vintage dressing gown!

 

Roald Dahl-related fact:  Mr Dahl died on my 4th birthday.  I always felt faintly responsible...



I'm Too Lazy To Think Of A Title.

My infant and junior schools didn't make us wear a uniform, so I never had the opportunity to dress in those cute little red, yellow, blue or green gingham summer dresses that you will have seen modelled by small girls all over the UK during the past term.  Actually, I would rather have died than be seen dead in a gingham dress in those days.  I was a tomboy through and through!

How things change.  Since I may have to actually dress like a grown-up for the next six weeks, yesterday I took advantage of the last day of the school year and paid homage to my six-year-old colleagues in my very own picnic-blanket dress.  I hope you enjoy this pair of annoyingly over-processed pictures of it.

Bette with a fringe on top

Good morning viewers! 

The summer holidays are nearly upon us (HOW did that happen?!) and the end-of-the-year celebration events have already begun.  I type this nursing a slightly fuzzy head after last night's staff party, but these photographs were taken on Thursday, after my fellow LSA chums and I stole out of work early to gossip over coffee and cake.

(For variation, a slightly different view of my slug-infested wilderness of a garden!)

For the first time in a fortnight, it WASN'T raining, so I celebrated with a slice of chocolate and amaretto torte almost as big as my head.  The girls said I wouldn't be able to finish it, but I bloody well did!  (It cost me three quid, there was no way I was leaving any for Miss Manners!)

Then I bicycled into town and got myself a fringe.  Do you like?  It keeps tickling me!

(Practising reposing for the hols)

There is nothing very interesting about this combination of clothes, but for some reason I really like the look.  Dress-related fact:  Princess Eugenie has the same one.

What the hell, let's make this a Boring Outfit Post BOGOF.  Here's a quick snap of me ready to go out last night.

Pay no attention to the mess.  That's my tights box overflowing as usual!

Cool Brittania

Hello viewers, here is the one thousandth Jubilee-themed blog post you will have seen this week.

We kicked off the jubilations on Friday with a red, white and blue non-uniform day at school.  I'm usually wearing some patriotic combination of those colours on any given day, so I tried to think of something to give my outfit a little extra something to bring it from everyday clothes to dressing-up-at-work funtimes.  My accessory of choice turned out to be...

...white tights!

I swear, each time I have to grudgingly pay good money for a show-costume accessory, adamant that I will never wear said item again, it always ends up coming in useful at the most surprising of moments!

All day I was compared to either Snow White or Alice in Wonderland, which was rather flattering!

Red shoes: Charity frock swap

Red belt: Christmas present a hundred million years ago

Red lipstick:  Jemma Kidd

White tights: Can't 'member.

White blousey thing: Jumble sale

White pearls: Market stall in Bulgaria

White hair flower: No idea.

Blue dress:  Dorothy Perkins.

Blue eyes: model's own!

I think I looked swell, but all day I had dress jealousy.  Imagine being surrounded by hundreds of small girls, all in full-skirted, polka-dotted, striped or Union-Jack-ed red, white and blue dresses, cardis, socks and shoes!  We have some very well-turned-out children at our place!  I must say though, it made me very sad that almost all the little boys' contribution to the theme was an England football kit.  Words can not describe how much I hate, loathe and despise football.

Anyway, after one of those brilliant work days where by morning playtime you're already able to say that the amount of cake eaten has far surpassed the amount of work done, I turned my back on school for a whole week. (Which is almost over already!)

On Saturday I journeyed down to the capital to see Alexa's new house, celebrate her birthday and, of course, to see the Queen!

There she is!

It was chilly and drizzly down at the Thames river pageant, but we had a jolly good time.  We saw all of the action on a big screen, and when the flotilla finally reached our bit of the river the crowd got really excited.  It was all very infectious.  When her Majesty's barge went by, everybody got the giggles!  Here are a couple more snaps:

And then I came home and dressed up like the Queen.

(disclaimer: there was an actual good reason behind this!)

Does This Count As Posting Underwear Shots On The Internet?

How To Dress For A School Trip To The Farm In December

As promised!  So, when your generally delightful job obliges you to miss out on your annual staff Christmas Dinner and spend the coldest, windiest day of December (so far) helping to shepherd 60 four-year-olds around various hearty outdoor activities on a stupidbloody FARM, well, sartorially speaking, you have two options.

Option 1:  Jeans and a hoodie

No thanks.

Option 2:  X-treme layering!

Here's how...

Step One!

Assemble the ingredients.

Step Two!

Woolly tights and a thermal vest.

(Optional Step 2.5: Over your tights, put on a pair of thermal socks made with possum fur.  I tried this, but had to re-evaluate my sock plans upon discovering that I physically couldn't fit my feet into my wellies!)

Step Three!

Add a long-sleeved top and a pair of thigh-high woolly socks

Step Four!

Woolly dress

Yes, you look a bit daft.  Don't worry, we'll be covering up the top half in Step Five.

Step Five!

Cashmere jumper

That's the inner and middle layers done.  Bring on the outer layers!

Step Six!

Hoodie, scarf and wellies

And finally...

Step Seven!

Coat, ginormous trapper hat, gorilla paw gloves

I must admit, I didn't bother with the gorilla gloves in the end.  Makaton signing is a bit of a bore when you can't move your fingers!

So there you have it.  Do you see why I weep a little when I see outfit posts from bloggers darn sarf whose concession to winter dressing is 40 denier tights and a pair of brogues?!

I was dreading my trip to the farm, but I actually had a brilliant time.  We re-enacted the Nativity in a stable made of straw, sang Little Donkey to an actual donkey, held a snake and tarantula, saw Santa and one rather unimpressive reindeer and fed some llamas. 

I was hoping that my ridiculous hat would persuade the reindeer to adopt me as their leader and/or prevent them getting any ideas about eating me.  It was an impulse/panic purchase when I saw the weather forecast for Farm Day, but it's earning its keep already.  Walking home from rehearsal last night in the fierce winds I struggled to keep my eyelids from drooping - the thing is like a duvet for your head!  It has a manly chin strap rather than pom poms because it's a man hat from the man section of H&M (£9.99 - the almost-identical lady version was £12.99. Hmm.)

Vest, top, dress and belt - Primark

Tights - M&S

Socks - Topshop

Jumper - Tesco via charity shop

Hoodie - NUGSS  (No, you can't buy one for yourself, they're exclusive ;op)

Wellies - Amazon

Coat - Oasis

Hat - H&M

Scarf - a present

Gloves (which are not actually made from real gorilla paws, despite what I like to tell people) - vintage

"For those of you who are interested in the internet..."

Five Things I Love, Right Now.

One

 1. Caro Emerald

I can't seem to stop listening to Caro Emerald's album, 'Deleted Scenes from the Cutting Room Floor'.  I never have tunes on while I'm faffing on with my laptop, but with this baby I'm obsessed to the extent that I've started manufacturing situations that require background music, so I can listen as I bake or tidy up.  I've been doing my listening on Caro's own website (thwarting Spotify's recent limited access shenanigans, mwahah!), but I'm going to actually BUY the album with real money, so I can have it on my 'pod while I whizz around the country on trains in the imminent school holidays.

'That Man' and 'A Night Like This' are the album besties, but my favourite is the cheeky, cheesy 'Dr Wanna Do'.  It reminds me of that beautiful example of '90s bubblegum pop, 'Doctor Jones' by Aqua.  Which I imagine is exactly what Miss Emerald was going for!

Two

2. Sleek Pout Polish
Jolly good stuff, this.  I can't bastard find my pout polish at the moment, but I assume it's in one of my handbags, as I've been using it and carrying it around with me on an almost daily basis.  I can't be doing with sticky lipglosses, plus I find that wet-look, blowjob lips look rather naff.  These polishes (Dunno why I'm talking about them in the plural, I've only got the one - 'Pink Cadillac') are a creamy consistency rather than a gloopy liquid, and they absorb into the lips, leaving the colour with none of that slimy, flyaway-hair-trap annoyingness.  The one I've got is very pigmented, which I approve of, because I like a bright, obvious look, none of this "a sheer wash of colour" silliness.  It also means that you get the boldness of wearing lipstick, but without the drawbacks - 'Pink Cadillac' is a similar colour to my favourite 'Cherries in the Snow' lipstick, but I find the Cherries can be rather drying.  The little Pout Polish pots are a very convenient size and shape, too.  Stocked in Superdrug for a very reasonable £4-ish, I may have found a new make-up addiction.  I'm intrigued by the purple one, which is glamorously called 'Monte Carlo'...

Three

't

3. My Legs!

Cycling and tap-dancing have worked miracles on the shapeliness of my pins!  Ok, I've still got tree trunk thighs, but I probably always will, and trust me, they were worse before!  Bette on Toast tip: cycling in platform wedges hurts the thighs a lot more, therefore (probably) burns three million extra calories per hill.

With legs love comes playsuit love.  I don't know if you remember my story about how I accidentally bought a playsuit that looked like a dress?  Well, that little garment has turned me from a playsuit-hater into a playsuit-champion.  I really wanted to wear it, styled as above, for my end-of-year staff night out on Friday, but Simon convinced me that me legs were too bruised, so I wore my green '50s-style dress, and regretted it all evening.  Serves me right for taking Simon's advice for once!  To make up for my short-sightedness, I wore my playsuit out for dinner with my LSA pals yesterday.  I WAS tempted to bare-leg it, but I'm glad I didn't, as I would have been laughably overdressed for Scalini's!

 

My attempt to dress the playsuit down turned the look from '40s pin-up to a bit more of a '70s aesthetic.  Also pictured (and also rather '70s, I now notice), my new dress.  £10 in the Miss Selfridge sale, and earmarked for yet another end-of-term party tomorrow night.  It's got the biggest sleeves you've ever seen.  Coming soon to a Boring Outfit Post near you!

My face couldn't stand it that my legs were centre of attention.

Four

4. My Job
I bleeding love it, you know.  All the good bits of being a teacher, but I finish at 4 o'clock every day and don't have to do planning.  And we have school plays and picnics and staff parties and the small people give me hugs and there are always plenty of biscuits.  It's the last day of the year tomorrow and much as I'm looking forward to a well-deserved (though I say so myself!) holiday, I'm (almost) feeling downright soppy...   I bleeding love my job.

Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.

I can't be mithered to think of a fifth thing I love.  Here's a peep-show into our hilarious life instead.

Simon, cowering in a corner as I cheerily donned my rubber gloves and got ready to empty the mouse trap: "I'm so glad you're a boy."

"If you don't wear lipstick, I can't talk to you." - Isabella Blow

Hello readers!  It is peeing it down outside, and I'm supposed to be working (No, not school on a Sunday - this is my other job.  I moonlight as an audio typist.  I take dictation, isn't that charmingly retro?)

This is obviously what I look like when I'm typing focus groups.

The end of term draws near, and I have been stretching the definition of 'workwear' to extreme lengths.  Denim skirt, with tights deemed by Simon to be "ridiculous", but what does he know, eh readers?

Top - charity shop, Skirt - Oasis, Tights - Primark, Shoes - Primark, Corsage - hair flower from Accessorize

That evening was our staff party, and I fancied curly hair, so I tried to do a Cheat One hot set, by setting-lotion-ing and then straightening each section of hair and then quickly rolling the warm hair up into a fat pincurl and leaving it to set for a couple of hours.  I put some curlers in to make myself a nice big fat rockabilly fringe, too.

I forgot that my hair is crap and will only take a curl from a full-on, dried-in-for-a-billion-years, don't-even-think-about-going-out-in-the-wind wet set, so what I actually ended up with was a sort of pageboy, which I actually really liked.  Well, I liked this view of it.  I'm not showing you the other side, where I had to resort to sculptural curls and a massive flower to hide the crap bits.

 

Face:  Posietint cheeks, Highbeam highlights, Cherries in the Snow lips and Eyelure lashes.

My frock is from Primark, and I promise my bra wasn't that visible all the time!  I didn't take a Boring Outfit snap because I had changed said outfit thirty times and then fannied on with my stupid fail fringe for a hundred years.  Nonetheless, I had a totally marvellous evening.  Here is a crappy phone photo.

As you can see, my fringe fell apart!

Recipe for an Ashabeth cocktail (devised by Ashleigh and Elizabeth at the Christmas staff party):

1. Decide upon ordering a pitcher of 'Jerry's Iced Tea' (gin, vodka, Sailor Jerry's, Cointreau, coke)

2. Think "Hmm, this looks a bit strong, maybe we'll ask to have it without the vodka."

3. When asked "Would you like extra gin to replace the vodka?", answer with a resounding yes.

4. Bottoms up!

Ashleigh and I suffered for our creativity the morning after we invented Ashabeths, and decided we weren't going to be so clever at this party, but obviously we did, AND we fell for the old "Do you want extra gin?" line again.  Strangely, this batch of Ashabeth didn't seem as potent, so we lived to tell the tale!

Anyway, back onto faces, after having peeled off the false eyelashes, wiped off several layers of foundation and roughly scrubbed off the Lipcote, on Saturday I didn't feel like wearing much make-up.  

As an experiment, because sometimes I forget what I look like beneath the paint, I decided to give myself a 'natural' look.  Concealer, Dandelion powder, Posietint lips, just a tidgy bit of eyeliner with no wings, mascara and (gasp) a very light hand with my eyebrow pencil, without exaggerating the arch or extending the line.

S'alright, I suppose.  I prefer my painted floozy face, though!

Monsoon season started on Saturday, so for my quick run to Morrisons to buy eggs and butter to make biscuits (no you can't have any, they're for teachers only), I wore this:

I look skinny!  Bosh!

Coat - Primark, Top - Oasis, Jeans - Peacocks, Wellies - Amazon, of all places, Beret - present from Matt and Ruth one time when they got fed up of me whingeing about losing my first white beret!

Back to typing, I suppose.  Can't beeeee bovvered!