The night is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter

Oh mannn, how have I been SO absent from this little haven of narcissism?  I have gone almost a month without talking about, or posting gratuitous photographs of, myself!  Let me rectify that immediately:

During my radio silence, I seem to have gone up to 46 followers.  Jiminy!  Hello, new friends-on-the-Internet!

I have got a post about cartoon mice in the pipeline for you, which will maybe go up this weekend, if I can be mithered.

Here is another photograph, in homage to my new red trousers (My little Oasis problem strikes again)

I went to see 'End of the Rainbow' on Friday night, which was excellent, although not exactly a barrel of laughs.  I was so captivated by Judy's costumes, all sequin twin-sets and huge neck scarves, that when it came to dressing to go out on Saturday night, I couldn't help but try to evoke a little 'late-'60s cabaret' with my outfit.  Turns out I've got woefully few sequinned items in my repertoire, so this was the best I could do.  Not terribly Judy, but I like it anyway.

Of course, I couldn't resist having a go at the Signature Judy Hand, as demonstrated so marvellously by both Tracie Bennett and the lady herself...

She came to a sticky end alright, but WHAT a performer.

Boring Outfit Bumper Bonus

A handful of daily outfits I haven't bothered to fashion into any toast posts yet.

To start with, yesterday's outfit:

Top:  Topshop via Oxfam
Shorts:  Primark, in 2006
Cardi:  Dorothy Perkins
Shoes:  Office
Headscarf:  vintage

Yesterday at school the teachers were on strike, the children were playing in the streets, and I spent the morning sorting out boxes and boxes and boxes of books in the school library and having a whale of a time.  The rockabilly hairdo was inspired mainly by the fact that I was getting a lift into work and walking home and therefore didn't have to worry about my bike helmet squishing my 'do!

Oh no, what happened to the side of my circle?!

My t-shirt has frilly shoulders!  That afternoon I went for a run walk with bits of jogging, and couldn't be bothered with changing my top half, so just swapped the shorts and plimsolls for joggers and trainers (and I must admit, I did also wear my totally unsexy sports bra) and went out looking far too adorable to be taking part in any form of exercise.

We're apparently moving backwards in time in this post.  This next outfit was from a couple of weeks ago:

Dress:  Miss Selfridge via charity shop
Cardi:  Warehouse via charity shop
Shoes:  Fat Face via ebay
Necklace:  made by me

Showing off my tights necklace!

Moving back in time yet again, this next one documents the only time I have ever worn shorts with tights.  I felt a trifle silly, but I don't get to wear my khaki culottes very often, as they're a bit too short for someone with thighs like mine!  (Not to mention the bicycle-inflicted unsightly bruises covering my shins!)

Shirt:  Henry Holland, from Debenhams

Shorts:  Oasis

Fishnets:  No idea.  I'm certain I didn't buy them.

Shoes:  Primark.

The occasion for this one was a hilarious and drink-sodden late-night showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the beautiful Tyneside Cinema with some of my pals.

 

And look!  Zebra top and zebra earrings!  Those were brought back from Tanzania for me by my friend Hannah.  Also, pahahaha, look at the crappy photoshopping going on on my neck.  A strand of my hair was caught under my collar, and it made it look like I had an unfortunately hairy neck.  I don't have an unfortunately hairy neck.

Finally, and quite a while ago, judging by my hair, this is a dress I bought from Asos on one of their random 25% off days.  I sent it back in the end, because it was a smidge too short for work, and not garishly coloured enough for my going-out tastes!  

I liked it because it reminded me of a favouite dress that I wore constantly during my second year of uni.

I was decidedly not a bonny bairn!

It also frequently came in useful for 1940s fancy dress, for occasions that were likely to be too drink-sodden to risk ruining a vintage frock!

 

Natasha and I called it my 'Resistance Dress',  on the grounds that it looked like something Michelle of ze Resistance would wear.  Anyway, I loved it, but it got too big, and I was extremely impoverished and sold it on ebay, and I missed it terribly and was looking for a replacement.  But the asos dress wasn't it.

The End.  Here's a pretty picture of my gal Bette.

Adventures with a Hippy in the Big Smoke

Roll up!  Roll up!  Step inside the Nickelodeon, sit back and follow the hilarious escapades of Bette and Alexa as they encounter time machines, hippies, sunshine, garlic roasters, talking mushrooms, bargains, pubs and far too much sugar, all in one weekend in London!

Saturday
8.30am - While Alexa sleeps, Bette undertakes the first leg of her looooong journey by walking to the station in the early morning sunshine.
9.30am - Sausage sandwich for brekkie, then on the train!
12.42pm - Bette disembarks from train at King's Cross and is reunited with Alexa.
1.30pm - Picnic in the park.  After years of mocking Alexa, Bette is shocked to encounter an actual barefoot hippy brazenly meandering in the park with no shoes.  Alexa gets cold, so the two retreat to Alexa's house and watch Charade (very good film - Bette on Toast seal of approval!)

7.30pm - A night out at a 1950s party in aid of Japan is planned, and it's time to get dressed!  By amusing coincidence, both girls had picked the same dress to wear.  Despite Bette's protestations that it would be TOTALLY HILARIOUS to turn up in the same frock (It would!  We would look like some sort of nightclub singing sister act!), Alexa is secretly relieved when the zip on her dress refuses to do up and she is forced to find an alternative outfit.

Face-wise, I was trying to go for a youngish Elizabeth Taylor sort of look.  (Yes, I know, in your dreams, Bette!)

Anyway, much fun and frolics were had, breaking out the jive moves, watching a real live Elvis perform, winning handmade ...things... in the raffle, drinking and eating cake.  Brilliant fun.

SUNDAY

9.30am - Bette and Alexa get up and flollop around trying to decide on a plan of action.

1.00pm - Sunday lunch sitting outside a pub in Camden.  Alexa eats all of her vegetarian crap and declares herself so full she can't move.  Bette has eaten most of her chicken and left all the vegetables, and could have fitted in pudding, given half a chance.

2 - 4pm - Shopping.  Alexa only buys clothes if they're ethically-farmed and carbon-neutral and Bette is a massive cheapskate, so they raid every charity shop in Camden.  Bette buys two frocks and two books.  Alexa buys a belt and some shoes.

4.00pm - Alexa is having a lovely time.  Bette is tired and bored and whiny, so they go home.

5 - 7pm - Another Audrey Hepburn DVD. 

Bette is of the opinion that Freddy is a better catch for Eliza than Higgins, on the grounds that he's pretty and he sings.  Alexa disagrees quite violently.

8.00pm - Bette is very excited because they are going to...

The Comedy Store!  To see...

The Comedy Store Players!

(Website here since I am shite at explaining.  It's been an ambition of mine for a couple of years to see the Players, and I wasn't disappointed.  Bloody hilarious, my favourite bit was the long and musical fairytale of Prince Liam and the Talking Mushroom, or maybe the three-headed interview about rugby-playing hyenas, or no, it was definitely the Gilbert and Sullivan bit!  Highly recommended, if you have any way of being in London on a Wednesday or Sunday night, which is obviously a bit of a bugger for me, living far, far away in the distant North and working Monday-Fridays.  I have got the Comedy Store bug now, and intend to make it my quest to come down every school holiday!  I *did* even research what time the last train leaves King's Cross on a Sunday night - reasoning that if I left London at 11pm I could be home and in bed before 3am, and could get in a whole three and a half hours of sleep before my alarm - no problem! Sadly the 11pm Sunday train only goes directly to Edinburgh and probably wouldn't stop to let me off at Newcastle, even if I fluttered my lashes most prettily at the driver.)

I also got to meet up with one of my imaginary-friends-off-the-internet, which was nice too!

ANYWAY.

10.00pm - Bette manages to get over her "OMG I was in the same room as Josie Lawrence and Paul Merton" excitement, and moves on to the next stop of the adventure...

...the Haagen Dazs cafe of Leicester Square!  Whoever came up with this idea was a genius, I tell you.  Bette consumed a scoop of praline and a scoop of dulce de leche with waffles and butterscotch sauce, and Alexa had a medley of different flavours with dark chocolate sauce!

A huge plate of ice cream at 11pm might SEEM like a brilliant idea, but it really isn't.  Bette and Alexa waddled home clutching their bellies and sobbing, and then went to bed.

MONDAY

9.00am - Alexa goes to work, unwisely leaving Bette in charge of her laptop.  Several stolen photographs later, Bette leaves Brixton, hops on a bus and goes to the National Portrait Gallery.

Anna Neagle, painted by McClelland Barclay, 1940.  Move over, Rita Hayworth, I've found my new Best Film Hair Ever.

Next, Bette spent a few hours reading in the park and wandering around the theatre district going "Oooo!", and then got on a train for the bloody long journey back home.

Hello, lovely bridges, I didn't half miss you.

Fabulous weekend.  I hope the rest of my Easter holiday is this good!



Boring Outfit Post - Big Game Hunting in Oxfam

I don't know what was in the water in Hollywood in 1953, but that year the studios seem to have produced particularly brilliant films, including several of my faves.  Calamity Jane, Roman Holiday, Kiss Me Kate, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, How to Marry a Millionaire, The Band Wagon - and Mogambo.  Mogambo is actually one of my earliest old-film memories - I can remember it being on in the background one Sunday afternoon at my Granny's house, and half-following the story as I read Enid Blyton books/played with Pogs/built a catapult with elastic bands/set fire to my sister, or whatever I was doing that day.  I saw the film in full a couple of years ago and loved it, but, predictably, was most impressed by the costumes.

As regular readers will have noticed, I normally go in for as many bright colours as I can squish into one ensemble, but there's something about the desert-heat-and-hungry-tigers-deflecting neutral tones of outfits like these that appeals and makes me want to dress like an explorer.



Particularly an explorer with Grace Kelly's face and Ava Gardner's figure, please.

I bought a skirt in a charity shop at the weekend.  I knew what shoes I wanted to wear with it, but wasn't sure how else to style it, so I just threw clothes at myself at random, looked in the mirror, thought "Aha!  Explorer chic!" and added a leopard-print cardi for extra safari points.  Result:


Now, where did I put my pith helmet?



Skirt:  Principles via charity shop

Cardigan:  H&M

Top:  Oasis

Belt:  used to belong to my Grandpa!

Socks:  haven't got a bloody clue

Shoes:  Primark

Oh, and speaking of leopards, even my nails matched!  Check it ooouuuut:

Dear me, ankle socks, brogues and leopard-print nails - could I be any more 'fashion blogger' today?!

Anyway, Mogambo is ace.  To be perfectly honest, I was too busy ogling the clothes to take too much notice of the plot intricacies at the time, but as far as I remember, Clark Gable is a big game hunter on safari in Africa.  (A decade and a half on from his "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" days but he totally still had it.  Grr.)  A former showgirl, having been given the push by her maharajah boyfriend, turns up in his camp and refuses to leave.  Then a boring anthropologist and his beautiful, prim wife turn up, a ridiculously complex love quadrangle occurs, somebody gets carried away and shoots somebody else with Clark's gorilla-shooting gun, and it ends with a very lovely bit on a raft.  (That rambling paragraph is what passes for a movie review here at Bette on Toast.  In short - 5 stars, highly recommended, especially if you like safari clothes!)

Interestingly (well, only interesting if you're an old movies anorak, I suppose), Mogambo is a remake of a film called Red Dust, which was made 20 years earlier and starred as the male lead...  Clark Gable.  Did the man just not age?!  I have been on a little costumes-stalking mission, but it seems that in 1932, ladies stranded in remote African outposts swooned around all day in high-heeled mules and silk nightgowns.

Next challenge - accessorise safari style with polkadots!  And Clark Gable.

Gentlemen Prefer Boring Outfits in the Park

Small boy:  Miss Hamer, Miss Hamer, it's my birthday today!

Me:  It's my little sister's birthday too!
Small boy:  I'm seven!  How old is your little sister?
Me:  She's twenty-two.

Small boy:  No way!

Happy birthday Stephieann!

As I probably mentioned once or thrice, last week I was treading the boards. (It went very well, thank you.  Stay tuned for the inevitable 'I was in a play' post sooner or later)  Show week coincided with half-term, which meant that I was able to spend the entire week doing lovely things (and by 'doing lovely things' I mean 'staying in the pub until closing time every night') with my thespian friends.  I'm firmly of the opinion that if I wear flowers in my hair that means it IS summer, so my pal Hannah and I prepared for opening night by going for a stroll through the park.

 

What's that I spy looming on the horizon?  Why, it's HMS Pinafore!


My dress is from Primark, my jacket is from Oasis, my scarf is from H&M and my boots are so knackered that I almost left them to achieve immortality in the Shoe Tree...


Don't do it, Bette!  You'll have to walk home barefoot!

I found it slightly amusing that no fewer than four people texted me this morning, full of concern, to inform me that Jane Russell had died.  I love that I'm the first thing people think of when they hear that olden-days movie stars have snuffed it.  Poor dead, beautiful Jane. 

This picture's my absolute, total favourite.

Dazzling, wasn't she?