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Five Things I Love, Right Now.

One

 1. Caro Emerald

I can't seem to stop listening to Caro Emerald's album, 'Deleted Scenes from the Cutting Room Floor'.  I never have tunes on while I'm faffing on with my laptop, but with this baby I'm obsessed to the extent that I've started manufacturing situations that require background music, so I can listen as I bake or tidy up.  I've been doing my listening on Caro's own website (thwarting Spotify's recent limited access shenanigans, mwahah!), but I'm going to actually BUY the album with real money, so I can have it on my 'pod while I whizz around the country on trains in the imminent school holidays.

'That Man' and 'A Night Like This' are the album besties, but my favourite is the cheeky, cheesy 'Dr Wanna Do'.  It reminds me of that beautiful example of '90s bubblegum pop, 'Doctor Jones' by Aqua.  Which I imagine is exactly what Miss Emerald was going for!

Two

2. Sleek Pout Polish
Jolly good stuff, this.  I can't bastard find my pout polish at the moment, but I assume it's in one of my handbags, as I've been using it and carrying it around with me on an almost daily basis.  I can't be doing with sticky lipglosses, plus I find that wet-look, blowjob lips look rather naff.  These polishes (Dunno why I'm talking about them in the plural, I've only got the one - 'Pink Cadillac') are a creamy consistency rather than a gloopy liquid, and they absorb into the lips, leaving the colour with none of that slimy, flyaway-hair-trap annoyingness.  The one I've got is very pigmented, which I approve of, because I like a bright, obvious look, none of this "a sheer wash of colour" silliness.  It also means that you get the boldness of wearing lipstick, but without the drawbacks - 'Pink Cadillac' is a similar colour to my favourite 'Cherries in the Snow' lipstick, but I find the Cherries can be rather drying.  The little Pout Polish pots are a very convenient size and shape, too.  Stocked in Superdrug for a very reasonable £4-ish, I may have found a new make-up addiction.  I'm intrigued by the purple one, which is glamorously called 'Monte Carlo'...

Three

't

3. My Legs!

Cycling and tap-dancing have worked miracles on the shapeliness of my pins!  Ok, I've still got tree trunk thighs, but I probably always will, and trust me, they were worse before!  Bette on Toast tip: cycling in platform wedges hurts the thighs a lot more, therefore (probably) burns three million extra calories per hill.

With legs love comes playsuit love.  I don't know if you remember my story about how I accidentally bought a playsuit that looked like a dress?  Well, that little garment has turned me from a playsuit-hater into a playsuit-champion.  I really wanted to wear it, styled as above, for my end-of-year staff night out on Friday, but Simon convinced me that me legs were too bruised, so I wore my green '50s-style dress, and regretted it all evening.  Serves me right for taking Simon's advice for once!  To make up for my short-sightedness, I wore my playsuit out for dinner with my LSA pals yesterday.  I WAS tempted to bare-leg it, but I'm glad I didn't, as I would have been laughably overdressed for Scalini's!

 

My attempt to dress the playsuit down turned the look from '40s pin-up to a bit more of a '70s aesthetic.  Also pictured (and also rather '70s, I now notice), my new dress.  £10 in the Miss Selfridge sale, and earmarked for yet another end-of-term party tomorrow night.  It's got the biggest sleeves you've ever seen.  Coming soon to a Boring Outfit Post near you!

My face couldn't stand it that my legs were centre of attention.

Four

4. My Job
I bleeding love it, you know.  All the good bits of being a teacher, but I finish at 4 o'clock every day and don't have to do planning.  And we have school plays and picnics and staff parties and the small people give me hugs and there are always plenty of biscuits.  It's the last day of the year tomorrow and much as I'm looking forward to a well-deserved (though I say so myself!) holiday, I'm (almost) feeling downright soppy...   I bleeding love my job.

Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.

I can't be mithered to think of a fifth thing I love.  Here's a peep-show into our hilarious life instead.

Simon, cowering in a corner as I cheerily donned my rubber gloves and got ready to empty the mouse trap: "I'm so glad you're a boy."

"If you don't wear lipstick, I can't talk to you." - Isabella Blow

Hello readers!  It is peeing it down outside, and I'm supposed to be working (No, not school on a Sunday - this is my other job.  I moonlight as an audio typist.  I take dictation, isn't that charmingly retro?)

This is obviously what I look like when I'm typing focus groups.

The end of term draws near, and I have been stretching the definition of 'workwear' to extreme lengths.  Denim skirt, with tights deemed by Simon to be "ridiculous", but what does he know, eh readers?

Top - charity shop, Skirt - Oasis, Tights - Primark, Shoes - Primark, Corsage - hair flower from Accessorize

That evening was our staff party, and I fancied curly hair, so I tried to do a Cheat One hot set, by setting-lotion-ing and then straightening each section of hair and then quickly rolling the warm hair up into a fat pincurl and leaving it to set for a couple of hours.  I put some curlers in to make myself a nice big fat rockabilly fringe, too.

I forgot that my hair is crap and will only take a curl from a full-on, dried-in-for-a-billion-years, don't-even-think-about-going-out-in-the-wind wet set, so what I actually ended up with was a sort of pageboy, which I actually really liked.  Well, I liked this view of it.  I'm not showing you the other side, where I had to resort to sculptural curls and a massive flower to hide the crap bits.

 

Face:  Posietint cheeks, Highbeam highlights, Cherries in the Snow lips and Eyelure lashes.

My frock is from Primark, and I promise my bra wasn't that visible all the time!  I didn't take a Boring Outfit snap because I had changed said outfit thirty times and then fannied on with my stupid fail fringe for a hundred years.  Nonetheless, I had a totally marvellous evening.  Here is a crappy phone photo.

As you can see, my fringe fell apart!

Recipe for an Ashabeth cocktail (devised by Ashleigh and Elizabeth at the Christmas staff party):

1. Decide upon ordering a pitcher of 'Jerry's Iced Tea' (gin, vodka, Sailor Jerry's, Cointreau, coke)

2. Think "Hmm, this looks a bit strong, maybe we'll ask to have it without the vodka."

3. When asked "Would you like extra gin to replace the vodka?", answer with a resounding yes.

4. Bottoms up!

Ashleigh and I suffered for our creativity the morning after we invented Ashabeths, and decided we weren't going to be so clever at this party, but obviously we did, AND we fell for the old "Do you want extra gin?" line again.  Strangely, this batch of Ashabeth didn't seem as potent, so we lived to tell the tale!

Anyway, back onto faces, after having peeled off the false eyelashes, wiped off several layers of foundation and roughly scrubbed off the Lipcote, on Saturday I didn't feel like wearing much make-up.  

As an experiment, because sometimes I forget what I look like beneath the paint, I decided to give myself a 'natural' look.  Concealer, Dandelion powder, Posietint lips, just a tidgy bit of eyeliner with no wings, mascara and (gasp) a very light hand with my eyebrow pencil, without exaggerating the arch or extending the line.

S'alright, I suppose.  I prefer my painted floozy face, though!

Monsoon season started on Saturday, so for my quick run to Morrisons to buy eggs and butter to make biscuits (no you can't have any, they're for teachers only), I wore this:

I look skinny!  Bosh!

Coat - Primark, Top - Oasis, Jeans - Peacocks, Wellies - Amazon, of all places, Beret - present from Matt and Ruth one time when they got fed up of me whingeing about losing my first white beret!

Back to typing, I suppose.  Can't beeeee bovvered!

Cherry lips and oily fingers

 

As you probably already know, Revlon recently relaunched some of their classic nail and lip shades, the iconic Cherries in the Snow and Fire and Ice.

Being a sucker for anything with vintage appeal or retro charm, I obviously bought myself a KER-POW PINK Cherries in the Snow lipstick.

Hazard of riding a pretentious girly bicycle:  Your chain slipping off mid-journey, going KER-PLUNK and leaving your feet spinning frantically, forcing you to kneel in the ditch for several minutes, vainly trying to hook it back on with increasingly blackened fingers, before giving up, wheeling the machine back home and engaging your long-suffering flatmate to unscrew the chain guard and pedal to sort it out before he'd even got in through the door.

According to Simon; "This is what you deserve for wearing ridiculous sock/shoe combinations."

In other hilarious news...

Simon and I went to a party, where we proceeded to carry on text conversations with each other, whilst in the same room, about various other people in the same room, who were all probably clearly aware of this, since my lit-up phone could easily be seen through my chiffon pockets, and whenever I sent Simon a message I would alert him to this by yelling "PING PING!" in imitation of his i-Telephone message tone.  Then we realised we couldn't text accurately anymore so we moved on to speaking aloud in code.  Simon's German is much better when he's drunk; he could manage accusative and dative agreements.  Also, how DO you spell "tashing on"? 

Over and out, beautiful people.

How much is your face worth?

Attention please! (x2, if you like)

I apologise to my male readers, all three of them, but this is another post about make-up.  You may wish to skip this toast post entirely.  And actually, this has turned into a rather lengthy post, so I have just saved you at least ten minutes of your day,  You're welcome.

(Although really, Simon only reads a toast post if he's checked that his name does appear in the tags at the bottom, Matt just scrolls through and looks at the pictures, and I'm certain Steven only reads the G&S-related ones, not that I blame him!)

Anyway, feminine readers, make-up is brilliant, isn't it?  I am totally besotted with the stuff, and if you are like me you may wish to run right out and buy a copy of July's Glamour magazine, because they're giving away free mini Benefit products with every one.  I may have bought three copies.

You only get diddy bottles of the three products, but they last forever, and I consider it a humongous bargain - you can buy these smaller sizes from Benefit at around £10 each, and Glamour only costs two quid.  (Which is pretty good for a magazine, considering Vogue costs four bleeding pounds.  Not that I buy Vogue, you understand.  I've got no interest in looking at pictures of designer clothes that I can't evereverever buy.  I like the likes of Glamour because they stick to highstreet clothes, which I can at least covet using my mantra of "You can have it when it comes into the sale"!)  Anyway, magazine tangent over, I've used Benetint before, and loved it, but I was interested to try the paler pink Posietint.  I wasn't convinced I was going to like it, because lately I've been enjoying BRIGHT colours on my face (see below!), but I tried it out yesterday, and it does give a nice, fresh, sweet complexion.  Looks nice on the lips, too.  High Beam does exactly what it says on the tin - a gorgeous, dewy highlighter that makes you glow!  I haven't quite figured out how to forge myself cheekbones with it yet, but it's great under the eyebrows to lift your eyes, and in the inner corner of your eye to make you look all sparkly!

Face (and Boring Outfit) of the Day

I went for totally unsubtle coral and bright blue on my eyes today, to match my dress.  They're both from a Sleek palette.  I've also got Posietint cheeks and Benetint lips, and please do overlook the horrendousness of my eyebrows at the moment!

I'm thinking that I need to wash those filthy plimsolls!

Tunic:  Dorothy Perkins (I had a 20% off discount code last week, and for once it was redeemable on sale items (Is it me, or has Dotty P's got vastly more expensive recently? Forty squid for a dress? Who do you think you are, Oasis?!) so I had a little shopping spree.)

Denim trousers: Peacocks

Belt: River Island, six and half years ago - I remember buying it with some of my 18th birthday dosh!

Anyway, back to Make-up...
 
Here's a fun game:  How Much Is Your Face Worth?  I've seen bloggers such as Sailor Jennie do this little exercise so I thought I'd have a go myself.  I always feel very poor and/or smug when I read beauty blogs, because it seems that it's allllll about Estee Lauder Doublewear, MAC Paint Pots, NARS blusher and Smashbox primer.  On every face.  I, on the other hand, am a big fan of cheap make-up (and also FREE make-up!) - however, I bet that when I count up how much my daily face costs I'll have a nasty surprise!

The idea is to choose your most-used products and count up the price of them all, leaving you with the exact cost of your beauty!  (Ooh, I'm getting a flashback to my bullshitty Master's degree... I'm sure I wrote an essay about beauty as commodity.  It somehow, in my usual sidetrack-y way, managed to feature lots of vintage magazine adverts and a section about Bette Davis' star persona.  As you do.)

I've decided to choose TWO products in each 'category' that get the most wear, then I'll just do the average price. (Eek. Maths.)  I'll use Boots.com for price info, because I buy all my frivolous paints and potions in Boots, because Boots Advantage Card points are AMAZING.  I'm also very fond of the 'Spend £X on a certain cosmetics brand and receive a million and five Advantage Card points and a goodie bag with lots of free products in' offers they frequently do. Okay, here we go!

Face

I have two foundations on the go.
1) Max Factor Lasting Performance in 102 Pastelle - £9.99
I don't hugely love this.  I find it kind of patchy to apply, and difficult to blend.  Don't think I'll buy any more when this one runs out.
2) Max Factor Colour Adapt in 70 Natural - £9.99
This, on the other hand, I adore.  According to Max Factor, this stuff "adapts to your individual skin tones to provide a flawless finish that is perfect for you." - and it does!  I can see it lighten into my skin colour as I apply it, it blends seamlessly, it lasts well, it leaves me with a really silky finish as though I had used a foundation primer, AND it smells like bakewell tarts.  As you can see, this was a freebie sample size, so cost me NUFFINK, but I'm going to count the 9.99 price because I think I'll definitely buy some more of this after my sample runs out.

As for concealer, I've been using
1) Maybelline Cover Stick in Ivory - (Not on Boots or Superdrug website! ARGH! Have they discontinued it?? Noooo!)  I'm pretty sure it's around £5.99.
for years.  I like the creamy consistency, and it's a good match for my skin.  It doesn't last all day, but it's cheap and easy to reapply.
2) Collection 2000 Illuminating Touch Light Diffusing Concealer - £4.99
For the old bags under the eyes.  My sister recommended this one to me as it was "the best thing ever" but sorry Stephanie, I disagree!  First off, Collection 2000?  Is that not what 12-year-olds use?  Also, I think it actually makes my dark eyes more noticeable!  If they're not too bad, it covers them up just fine, but if they're particularly unsightly I think the illuminating, light diffusing shizz actually accentuates the problem!  I won't buy this one again.

Cheeks

I didn't think blusher would be my biggest extravagance!  Well, leaving aside my new friends Benetint and Posietint for the moment, most of the time I use
1) Benefit Dandelion - £23.50
Good old Dandelion!  I've been using this for years (although it has got considerably more expensive in that time, hmmm Benefit!), although recently I've started using Dandelion as an all-over complexion brightener, and colouring my actual cheeks with
2) Too Faced Brightening Blush in La Vie En Rose - £16.50 (although mine was a Christmas present, so again, freee!)
The flash on my camera washed this one out; it's actually a darker pink than the Dandelion, with sparkles in!

Eyes

Eyeshadow - I wear at least two colours of eyeshadow daily.  I like painting on different combinations and using my eyelids to create colour 'links' in my outfit.  That sounds stupid.  I mean I may wear a turquoise belt, and then a bit of turquoise on the eyes to match it all together.  Or I like totally clashing.  Make-up is FUN.  ANYWAY, if I wasn't so obsessed with the 'Retro Colours' filter on Lunapic, you might actually be able to see the colours of the two eyeshadows I have chosen. *D'oh*
1) Maybelline Expert Wear Mono Eye Shadow in Pink Fizz - £4.09
Silly name - it's actually more of a mauvey pink, which I think looks rather nice with my blue eyes.  It shimmers, too, and looks good built up and blended with purple.
2) No.7 Stay Perfect Eyeshadow in True Gold - £8, but mine was a goodie bag sample, so FREE!
Surprisingly versatile, this one, and not just for dazzling night-time make-up.  I blend it with bronzes and browns, or even with greens.  It looks amazing, in an 80s disco sort of way, worn with pink and turquoise eyeliner.

Mascara:
1) Maybelline The One by One Volum' Express in Black - £8.49
Another stupid name.  What's with Volum'??  Anyway, the only reason I've got so much Maybelline at the mo is because of a 'buy three items, get a millionty-seven points' offer.  Can't remember why I chose this one, it's pretty good, no complaints.
2) Max Factor Masterpiece MAX in Black - 9.99, except this one was another freebie!
I was pleasantly surprised by this one!  I would never have picked it up when in the market for a new mascara, because the tube isn't brightly coloured and a funny shape, and I haven't seen it on adverts claiming to be the new mascara revolution because of its bubble-shaped, backwards, self-heating, collapsible wand, or whatever.  However, it made my lashes appear really long and fluttery, and it doesn't go all clumpy.  Do like!

Eyeliner:
1) Rimmel Glam'Eyes Professional Liquid Liner in Black Glamour - £5.29
Love this.  I buy more of this same eyeliner every time I run out, which is often, because I use tonnes of the stuff every day.  I find the flat brush the perfect shape for painting on my 'wings'.
2) All About Face (Tesco) pencil eyeliner in Black - £1.49
I can't be doing with liquid eyeliner on the lower eye, so I use pencil.  There's nothing amazing about this one but it does the job and I like the sharpener in the lid.

Lips

Both 'daytime reds' here, a lipstick and a lipgloss.  I have a squillion different lip products, but these are probably my two favourites.
1) Max Factor Colour Collections Lipstick in 804 Hint of Red - £7.99
This is quite a subtle, glossy lipstick, with a slightly sparkly finish.  Very lovely.
2) Bourjois Effect 3D Max Lip Gloss in Framboise Ardent - £6.99
I like this because it doesn't have the stickiness of most lipglosses.  It can be a bit gloopy, so you have to be quite sparing. 

(How monosyllabic have my 'reviews'/explanations got?  You can tell I'm getting bored! Nearly there...)

Last but not least, my slightly obsessive area, Eyebrows:

Good old
Rimmel Professional Eyebrow Pencil - £2.99
in either 002 Hazel or 001 Dark Brown, depending on how scary I want them to be.  Usually sharpened to a point for drawing precisely, but I appear to have been slacking on that front.

OKAY.  So, by doing the old 'add them all up and divide by two' routine, I have found that on a daily basis my face costs roughly  £55.64.  Shit!  That's more than I thought!  It's a rare day when I could say that my whole outfit, shoes included, cost more than £55.64!

Well, there you have it.  Has anyone else done the 'How much is your face worth?' game?  Show me a link to it if you have, I'm nosy!

Signing off for now.  My very expensive face and I might go and tidy up this pig-sty of a house.  (And since Simon isn't reading this one, I can tell you that we are currently having a fight about Washingupgate and I will win because I am more stubborn than Simon, even if we have to start eating out for every meal because there are no clean plates left!

She could very well pass for forty-three, in the dusk with the light behind her.

 For a change, here is a Face of the Day.

Max Factor Colour Adapt foundation in Natural
Maybelline Cover Stick concealer in Ivory
Sleek Make Up blusher in Flamingo (It got washed out in the picture, but in real life it's KER-POW PINK!!  I've only got the tiniest touch on and it's good 'n' bright.)
Rimmel Professional eyebrow pencil in Hazel
Barbara Daly eyeshadow in Taupe
No. 7 Stay Perfect liquid eyeliner in Jewel (I love this)
Max Factor kohl pencil in Black
Max Factor Masterpiece Max mascara in Black
Sleek Make Up Pout Polish in Pink Cadillac

And, oh, I was trying to be less boring with the old Boring Outfit Posts, and just ended up looking silly...

Cardi: Car boot sale
Dress: H&M via jumble sale
Leggings (AGAIN, I swear, I do wash them from time to time): New Look
Sandals: Hush Puppy
'Miss Hamer' necklace: Sunday Girl Accessories

Toodle-oo.  Going to pub.  Must excel at pub quiz this week, or else do badly enough to win the booby prize.