Pianos and Petticoats

The Mothership asks me what I would like for my soon-to-be birthday.

I'm sure she hopes for practical, economical suggestions.

 

However...

 

 

 

Winter boots be damned, all I desire is a plinky-plonky old piano and a super-swishy Doris Designs petticoat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Plink plonk.  Swish swish.

 

(Piano pictures from Pinterest, and petticoat pictures from Doris Designs' website)

 

 

I Like Winning. Give Me Prizes.

I am often heard to complain that I haven't got a thing to wear.  This is obviously a lie, as my groaning, overstretched wardrobe with its multiple dresses per hanger will attest.  Nonetheless, I would greatly like to win lots and lots of new clothes from the rather swish online shop Zalando.  Zalando have asked bloggers to enter their competition by choosing items from the shop to style into a fantasy outfit.  Would you like to see my entry?

 

1. Selected Femme Snake dress in turquoise: £59.95

To start with, I’ve (surprise, surprise) gone for a dress.  The colour of this one is beautiful – very summery, but I’ve decided to style it for autumn with…

2. AirStep Oyster boots: £280

…knee-high boots.  I know, they’re a bit clunky for such a pretty, delicate dress, but I make my clothes work hard, and this dress would have to multi-task as nightwear AND daywear for me.  I love the colour combination of turquoise and chocolate, and I think they’ll work just fine with the dress.

3.  Liu Jo blazer: £464.95

It’s chilly in Newcastle in the autumn, so I’ll need a jacket.  There’s something Grecian about the shape of the Snake dress, which I think is picked up perfectly in the woven belt of this tan blazer.

4. Numero 10 Victoria Street handbag: £570

Since this is a daytime outfit, a big handbag is required to carry all of the stuff that a modern-day Grecian maiden needs at the weekend.  Chocolate-brown leather returns in this one – doesn’t it look soft?

5. Black Lily Luella scarf: £59.95

I wanted some gold accessories to set off the brown and turquoise, but Zalando don’t have a great deal of jewellery on the site.  The gold print on this pretty scarf is actually birds, but when rolled up like this, it gives a vague impression of the strings of gold chains that our Greek Goddess would wear!

6. s.Oliver belt: £23.95

This dress doesn’t really need a belt, but I couldn’t resist the metallic feather.  I’d probably contrive to wear it in my hair or something!

7. Uslu Airlines nail polish in DRS: £16:95

It was the pretty turquoise colour that drew me to this dress in the first place, so I didn’t want it to get lost amongst all the brown.  I’d pick it up again on my fingernails with this nail polish.

So!  How do you like my Zalando ensemble?  If you would like to enter yourself, just pop over to the Zalando competition page and choose your clothes, then let them know when you've blogged about your creation.  Good luck!  (But please don't make a better outfit than me, because I want to win.  Ta!)

Your Position as a Topman is a Highly Exalted One

Thanks to a dear friend who can't be trusted to buy clothes by himself, on Sunday I found myself, for the first time, in Topman.  I detest Topshop for having ideas above its station, but didn't think the man version would be quite as up itself.

We didn't look around that much, but while Matt was in the changing room I did happen to spot something that I absolutely NEED in my life:

 

Awesome!  It reminds me of my fave Cath Kidston print (Which, annoyingly, you can't buy in a handbag format, because it's supposedly for little boys)

As much as Matt claims to trust my clothes-buying advice, I don't think he would be impressed if I insisted he buy this cowboy shirt and wear it at every social occasion, so I'm going to have to have it for myself.  I'm going to bookmark its place on the Topman website and stalk stalk stalk until it comes into the sale, and when it does I'm going to purchase it and I'm going to wear it knotted at the waist, with a denim skirt and my Cacophony Hicksville cowboy boots.

AND, whilst dressed in such a way, I'm going to hide in this tent with some spam, ginger beer and gobstoppers, and shoot Indians with a pop-gun.

Nice Things That I Can't Afford

Good Evening, Blogland!

Thought I'd lure you in with a picture of cake

I've had a busy week, following last week's busy week, and preceeding (how many Es are there in preceding?) next week's busy week.  I'm tiiiiired and whingey and I could really do without it.  Yesterday I was feeling extremely grumpy and sorry for myself.  (Example tweets: "Today has been a headche from start to finish. Except it hasn't finished yet, I've got three hours of rehearsal ahead. :o/"  and  "The worst thing about afternoon naps is being wrenched out of slumber by the shrill wail of your alarm clock TWICE in one day.") but today I'm much chirpier. 


That's my chirpy face

This morning I made pancakes in assembly, and since getting home this afternoon I have been very domestic.  I have done a load of laundry, including a pair of shoes that were all grubbified with hair dye and the finest mud from Kielder Forest, neither of which seem to have washed out, grrr.  They're currently on the radiator stuffed with newspaper, so maybe some intellectualism from the Times Educational Supplement* will rub off and make them look smart and impressive once they've dried.

*Sorry, Simon, I didn't ask, but I only nicked pages from the back of the jobs section, since I didn't think you were planning on becoming Headmaster of an exclusive boys' boarding school in Tanzania any time soon.

Anyway, I've done my weekly pick-up of my floordrobe (shameful!) and put it all on my bed in piles according to destination (pile for the trouser drawer, pile for the t-shirts box, considerably larger pile for the dresses wardrobe) so I can't go to bed until it's all put away, and I've finally caught up with My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and I've done some washing-up and I've baked totally, utterly and completely the crappest birthday cake ever made.  I'm going to risk a certain lovely doctor reading this before I surprise her with it tomorrow (and WON'T she be surprised, ye gods, it's so rubbish...) and tell you the story so you can laugh at my ineptitude.

So.  You know those giant cookies you can get with Smarties baked in, and they're all colourful and lovely?  Well, when I couldn't find chocolate chips in the Co-op I decided to get Smarties instead, chuck them in a basic sponge cake recipe and get amazing, beautiful rainbow cake.  Well.  Smarties may thrive in cookies, but let me tell you, in a cake they sink to bottom, adhere to the cake tin, completely lose their rainbow colours (WTF? How?!) and taste a bit burnt-chocolate-y.  And both cake layers crumbled into shreds when I tried to get them out of the tins, so I'm going to have to do some serious glueing with icing.  PAH!!



OH DEAR!



And as if to add insult to injury, I've just stumbled across this picture of a cake I made for Simon's birthday two years ago.  Where have my skills gone?!



Anyway, the real point of this post, as the title suggests, was meant to be a Wishlist.  My friend Buttercup Liffy and I, being both blogging-novices, were getting very excitable on Tuesday about followers and stats and so on, and she mentioned planning a Wednesday Wishlist post, and I thought I would plagiarise her idea, but I haven't got around to it until now.  (Doesn't look like Liffy has either though, so there!)  So yes, Nice Things That I Would Like But Can't Afford:



Top of the list, Vivienne Westwood Anglomania Lady Dragon shoes with cherries.  RRP £120, except they sold out months ago.  How am I supposed to go on living without these in my life??

The  Pixie Pin-Ups Palette by Too Faced.  It's make-up with pop-up pixie pin-ups on it!!  Definitely an essential and not frivolous at all, even for 25 squid for six small eyeshadows.

A vintage Daimler, complete with uniformed chauffeur.  Failing that, a small, modern car and driving lessons.  Failing THAT, a really beautiful bike.

Kitchen mixing device.  Preferably a pretty one.  As I found to my cost today, making cakes the old-fashioned way with a bowl and a wooden spoon is a complete ball ache!

A ticket to Anton and Erin's Puttin' on the Ritz.  Sunday night, at the Sage.  Thirty-nine stinking pounds, if there are indeed any left.  But booooo I want to go!

A cleaning lady.  See earlier comment about floordrobe!

And, like, loads and loads of dresses.  And a bigger wardrobe.

(Oh, bloody hell, I've just remembered I covered my bed in piles of clothes.  What a bloody stupid idea.)



When I win the lottery...

I don’t normally go in for high-end fashion or lusting after designer pieces.  (I even hate the term ‘pieces’ to describe garments.)  London Fashion Week was the most boring blog-reading period of 2010 for me, I don’t know my Lagerfeld from my Galliano and I didn’t work out what “A/W10” meant until we were well into “S/S11”.

However.

I can’t begin to express how badly I want a Zac Posen handbag.  In fact, no, I don’t want a Zac Posen handbag.  I want TEN Zac Posen handbags.  Specifically, these ones...

These are all from the ‘Resort 2011’ collection from Posen’s ‘Z Spoke’ diffusion line (why are designer shops so complicated?), which I have only heard of thanks to a post Style High Club did today.  The clothes are bonkers but lovely and sort of Riviera-ish, and the handbags are HEAVEN.  (Strangely, the bags in the Spring 2011 and Fall 2010 sections didn’t charm me at all.)

Look at this ginormohumongous weekend bag!  (It’s actually called a ‘Bridle Leather Jumbo Top Handle Flap w/ Scarf Detail Handle and Signature Hardware’) I want it in eye-popping candy blue AND sophisticated tan.  (Or, as Zac calls them, ‘Fresia’ and ‘Latte’)

I love the floppy scarfy bits on these ‘Faille Top Handle Flap’ bags.  The red has va-va-voom appeal, but I also really like the two-tone one.  It’s sort of equestrian.

And how vintagely gorgeous is the same thing in ‘Houndstooth’?  WANT IT!

How unspeakably chic would you look waiting to board a plane with an enormous trolley (and attendant dogsbody) piled high with this fresia, floral and latte lot?  I like the satchel-ish one on the left.

No, I’ve changed my mind.  I want to do all my weekending with this ‘Ocean Pebble Leather Top Handle Flap’ from the Fall 2010 collection.  (Which should mean it’s in the sale, right?!)

The Zac Posen website doesn’t actually specify the prices of it’s ‘pieces’ (see, it’s annoying, isn’t it?), but considering that this rather dull and minging one...

...is on sale at Saks Fifth Avenue for $1,495, I don’t really fancy my chances of owning one (or ten) ever in my lifetime.  Ah well.

(Images all nabbed from the Z Spoke website, except for one from the Saks website)

We're tapping even faster now, we're shaking loose the plaster now.

I'm always in a bind as to what to wear to my tap class. (Yes, I am that cool! ;o) ) I had my first lesson of the new term tonight and ohmigod, I'd forgotten how flippin' brilliant it makes me feel.  Even though I'm a total novice who can't stand on one leg and doesn't know her left from her right!  Anyway, tonight I just stayed in the dress and tights I'd worn all day at school, because it was nice and comfy (Although!  Word of advice - tap dancing in magic hold-you-in knickers = NOT COMFY) and it had play-doh and small child snot over it and needed to go in the wash tonight anyway.  It's black and t-shirty and above the knee and clingy, and there aren't any pictures of it because I was a busy bee this morning and I look as tired as I feel right now.  I was too hot in it and looked a trifle silly as everyone else was in 'exercise clothes'.  What to wear next week, though??  Trousers are no good because I have to see my feet and ankles in the mirror otherwise I do it even more wrong.  Tunic-y top and leggings would be the obvious choice but ewww.  

See?!  My LIFE is so HARD!

I like the bits in those 1930s Warner Brothers backstage musicals, where you get to see what the chorus girls turn up to rehearsals in.



I could totally wear that to school tomorrow. 

You can have them when they come into the sale, Hamer, and not before!

You know it's bad news when you visit the Oasis website (ONLY because I was ebaying one of my Oasis skirts and I'd bought it recently enough that I thought there still might be a picture of it on the site that would look more professional and inviting to bidders than my crappy snap!  Honest!) and the front page has a strip displaying a small selection of the newest wares...

...and you instantly go "I want THAT and THAT and THAT and THAT and THAT but not that dull handbag on the end."

Dear Oasis, 

I have an exciting new advertising opportunity for you!  For just £200 per month (payable in Oasis vouchers if you please) you can be the SOLE sponsor of FASCINATING new style blog Bette on Toast, which has a large readership of literally SEVERAL people!  How about it? 

Love, Bette xxx

"Mrs Anna, I believe in snow!"

I know three blog posts in one evening is taking the piss, but I've got a dire wardrobe-related conundrum and it's already past bedtime and I'm no good at making decisions in the morning.

If you were starting work in a new class tomorrow, what would you wear?  You want to (misleadingly) appear  competent and presentable so your presence reassures nervy parents, but you don't want to look dowdy.  You want to dazzle and enchant the five-year-olds so they worship you as some kind of princess/Hannah Montana hybrid, but you don't want your new class teacher to think you're a frivolous young ass.  Your day will almost certainly involve unpleasant things like paint and play-doh, but you don't own any practical clothes.   You'll be spending a lot of time bending over the very low Year 1 tables, so unless you want to risk flashing your knickers you'd better remember to wear longer skirts than you used to be able to get away with in Year 6, where the surfaces were higher.  You're on playground duty and the weather's expected to be gloomy.  Oh, and you would prefer to be able to wear red shoes with your ensemble, because if you tell the truth you're more than a little bit nervous, and you feel more confident if you've got red shoes on.

So...?!